Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
5.11.2009
10.28.2008
Game Designers Are So Sneaky . . .
Well, either that, or Tiger Woods can walk on water.
Wait, EA Sports says he can. Hmm . . .
Wait, EA Sports says he can. Hmm . . .
10.06.2008
"A Man Trained in the Art of Seduction . . ."
Oh, yeah. It's my new favorite show. Really, with a quote like this, how can you NOT like this show? Yep, I missed the entire first season, but it's not really necessary, especially when NBC loads two minute reviews online of every episode.
(c) Warner Bros Television
(c) Warner Bros Television
8.21.2008
Tawanka Found This Funny
So do I. I'd seen it before, so it's not original nor can I attribute this to her, as I can for so many other things that she sent me while she was alive, but the email that comes next in the series doesn't apply right now. Guess that means someone reading this really needs to laugh, because this one's appropriate now.
Enjoy.
**************************************************************
(November 22, 1998)
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, Mom couldn't help noticing how attractive and shapely the housekeeper was. She wondered if there was more going on than met the eye.
John told her, "I know what you must be thinking, Mom, but I assure you, my relationship with my housekeeper is purely professional."
A week later the housekeeper told John, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't think your mother took it, do you?"
So John sent a letter to his mother that read, "Dear Mother: I'm not saying you did take the gravy ladle, and I'm not saying you didn't, but the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Several days later, John received a letter from his mother that said, "Dear Son: I'm not saying you sleep with your housekeeper, nor am I saying you don't. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom."
Enjoy.
**************************************************************
(November 22, 1998)
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, Mom couldn't help noticing how attractive and shapely the housekeeper was. She wondered if there was more going on than met the eye.
John told her, "I know what you must be thinking, Mom, but I assure you, my relationship with my housekeeper is purely professional."
A week later the housekeeper told John, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't think your mother took it, do you?"
So John sent a letter to his mother that read, "Dear Mother: I'm not saying you did take the gravy ladle, and I'm not saying you didn't, but the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Several days later, John received a letter from his mother that said, "Dear Son: I'm not saying you sleep with your housekeeper, nor am I saying you don't. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom."
7.25.2008
7.24.2008
The Dress . . .
on eBay that I'm seriously considering for one of the tourney parties:
And lest you feel like you've not laughed enough today, here's today's cat. (Promise you'll miss them come Sunday.)
And lest you feel like you've not laughed enough today, here's today's cat. (Promise you'll miss them come Sunday.)more cat pictures
7.23.2008
Why You Should Never WASH a Cat
(Psst . . . just in case you hadn't realized, I decided to make it LOLcats week. It's fun. And it's easy.)
more cat pictures
7.22.2008
7.19.2008
7.01.2008
HAHAHA
Tonight, I had the great pleasure of realizing that God has a wonderful sense of humor. I laughed (and when I say laughed, I mean laughed-so-hard-I-snorted-sometimes) on my way home.
All the way home. From North High Point. A good 20+ minutes. Longer, really, when you realize I was driving just below the speed limit with the top down on the Miata.
To the point where I thought I was having just too much fun. But there's no such thing. ;)
All the way home. From North High Point. A good 20+ minutes. Longer, really, when you realize I was driving just below the speed limit with the top down on the Miata.
To the point where I thought I was having just too much fun. But there's no such thing. ;)
6.09.2008
You Need Yoda
I recently visited the Oak Hollow Market, on the corner of Hwy. 68 and Hwy. 311 in High Point to pick up a St. Francis for my yard. I've known about this place for years, from my time when I worked at the college and would drive by every single day. Never did take the time to stop in, but I finally did this past week.
I'm glad I did. It's such a fabulous place that I now wonder why people don't have more cool statuary in their yards. They've got tiny stuff (little turtles and frogs) to fountains to religious icons to gargoyles to the standard lions to great big angels and forest nymphs.
Just a fabulous collection.
And everyone needs a Yoda.
Or a jolly buddha.
I'm glad I did. It's such a fabulous place that I now wonder why people don't have more cool statuary in their yards. They've got tiny stuff (little turtles and frogs) to fountains to religious icons to gargoyles to the standard lions to great big angels and forest nymphs.
Just a fabulous collection.
And everyone needs a Yoda.
Or a jolly buddha.
3.24.2008
Sexy is . . .
On my day off today, I stopped into Vickie's to redeem a coupon. And, then . . . then I did what some women wish they could do (and could do, but choose not to, for some reason or another), because I could: I sashayed my way around Hanes Mall, swinging my impossibly tiny pink and black Vickie's bag by my side.
Yeah, I got looks - almost every ten feet. And I wasn't trying to look particularly hot today. (There are days when I do; this was not one of them. Heck, I stayed in bed reading until almost noon.) I'd even venture to say that I was looking particularly not hot. Jeans, a rather raggedy gray sweater, my cheap (and muddy) black boots. Not one lick of makeup. I didn't even fix my hair today; just jammed a headband on my head. No beautiful necklace; no stunning earrings. And I can promise that the people on What Not to Wear would have had a field day over the bright yellow "Live Strong" bracelet that so sorely clashed with my muted color palette today.
I'm not even sure I had the attitude during that walk that I've got now - at least at the beginning. By the time I made it to J.C. Penney's, I had it, though.
Yet, that look must have reminded people of something (I'm not sure I want to know what, although I'd bet I can guess pretty darn well). My college roommate would be shocked to know that I did this today; I used to completely, blatantly, rudely ignore anyone who even so much as looked in my direction. Heaven help you if you were brave enough to say anything to me. Jess can vouch for that. Heck, sometimes I still act that way.
But I think what did it was the tiny pink bag (smaller than a bag of potato chips that you'd eat with lunch), which just begs people to wonder, "What fits in that - that fits on her?"
And that: that is what Vickie's sells. Opportunity. The opportunity for me to decide to take the chance to be all that - or not. And it was fun.
Yeah, I got looks - almost every ten feet. And I wasn't trying to look particularly hot today. (There are days when I do; this was not one of them. Heck, I stayed in bed reading until almost noon.) I'd even venture to say that I was looking particularly not hot. Jeans, a rather raggedy gray sweater, my cheap (and muddy) black boots. Not one lick of makeup. I didn't even fix my hair today; just jammed a headband on my head. No beautiful necklace; no stunning earrings. And I can promise that the people on What Not to Wear would have had a field day over the bright yellow "Live Strong" bracelet that so sorely clashed with my muted color palette today.
I'm not even sure I had the attitude during that walk that I've got now - at least at the beginning. By the time I made it to J.C. Penney's, I had it, though.
Yet, that look must have reminded people of something (I'm not sure I want to know what, although I'd bet I can guess pretty darn well). My college roommate would be shocked to know that I did this today; I used to completely, blatantly, rudely ignore anyone who even so much as looked in my direction. Heaven help you if you were brave enough to say anything to me. Jess can vouch for that. Heck, sometimes I still act that way.
But I think what did it was the tiny pink bag (smaller than a bag of potato chips that you'd eat with lunch), which just begs people to wonder, "What fits in that - that fits on her?"
And that: that is what Vickie's sells. Opportunity. The opportunity for me to decide to take the chance to be all that - or not. And it was fun.
1.30.2008
Interesting Internet Tidbits
Yes, I've been collecting these over the past few days and thought I'd share them.
- The live webcam over the new Warthogs stadium. Puts out a decent photo of downtown at night for a webcam, don't you think?
- This ad for Oogmerk Opticians. Te he.
- Read about why I'm going to be 30 until I'm 70 here. No, it's got nothing to do with admitting my age. There really is evidence that middle-age sucks.
- The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational. Check out this word, bozone, in particular. I know several people who fit that description. They're all truly funny. (Ahh, evidently, it's called the Style Invitational at the Washington Post. Check it out here.)
10.28.2007
Not Surprising
| Your Linguistic Profile: |
50% General American English 35% Dixie 5% Upper Midwestern 5% Yankee 0% Midwestern |
| What Kind of Reader Are You? Your Result: Obsessive-Compulsive Bookworm You're probably in the final stages of a Ph.D. or otherwise finding a way to make your living out of reading. You are one of the literati. Other people's grammatical mistakes make you insane. | |
| Dedicated Reader | |
| Book Snob | |
| Literate Good Citizen | |
| Non-Reader | |
| Fad Reader | |
| What Kind of Reader Are You? Create Your Own Quiz | |
10.23.2007
For All Those Who Have or Have Ever Had Cats
This really reminds me of one of my childhood cats, Stripes . . .
10.05.2007
"Dear Dog(s) of Mine . . .
(courtesy of The Best of Craigslist.com)
It seems that lately things have gotten a smidge slack around here. I feel it is time to remind you of the rules that heretofore we have operated under. You are both cute dogs, but your continued cuteness in no way negates our previous agreement. Let me remind you of a few details of this agreement.
1. In exchange for room and board, you are to guard the kingdom. That would be guarding the kingdom from any and all bad guys, robbers, serial killers, etc. Feel free to bark maniacally at any of those that should appear in the yard. Guarding the kingdom does NOT include barking maniacally at bunnies, squirrels, cows, sheep and invisible things that only you can see, especially between the hours of 5am (when I stumble out of bed to let you out) and 8am (when I actually have to be out of bed to get to work). (And let me take a moment here to remind you that the pizza guy is a potential bad guy. He is not your friend. Just because he comes bearing food does not allow him free and easy access to the kingdom. He is potentially way more dangerous than the bunnies that you threaten to tear limb from limb.)
2. All of the stuff that lives in the toy basket is yours. Everything else is mine. Yours includes squeaky balls, random bones, partially unstuffed stuffed animals and chew ropes. Mine includes any and all shoes on the floor (especially the expensive leather ones), underwear that missed the hamper, bras, socks, dishtowels, the remote, the cell phone, the legs of my grandmother's antique chair and the vacuum. Did I mention shoes? ALL the shoes are mine. They come in pairs, not quads, for a reason.
3. The cat gets to sleep on the bed. You do not. You each weigh 50 pounds. The cat weighs 12. You sleep smack dab in the middle of the bed with all four feet spread out covering approximately 12 square feet apiece. The cat sleeps in a neat little ball covering about 2 square feet. The cat does not bring fleas into the house. You do. You, dogs, will never be allowed to sleep on the bed. Quit sneaking up when you think I'm not looking. Your 50 pounds of dogginess negates your stealth superpowers. I know you are up there!!
4. Speaking of the cat- when he hunkers down into that little mound, lays his ears back, squints his eyes and growls way back in his chest, HE IS NOT A HAPPY KITTY. Leave him alone. He does not want to play with you. What he wants to do is poke your eyes out and shred the skin around your face. He can do that, you know. Five of his 6 ends are really sharp and pointy. He has previously shown very little restraint. Clearly he enjoys smacking you upside the head with a paw full of claws. Do not aggravate him. When he takes your head off after you have cornered him, I will let him. You have been forewarned.
5. The cat is mean. He will lead you down a path to destruction. He likes to tear around the house winding you up. He does this knowingly and intentionally. When you chase him, I will only yell at you for careening into walls and furniture. He knows this. Quit falling for it.
6. If you find something in the garbage can, assume that I intend for it to be there. Plastic tampon shells are not chew toys. Don't eat them.
7. Also not for doggy consumption- anything you find in the litter box. This is why you no longer get to kiss me.
8. You are allowed to sleep on the furniture. You are not allowed to eat the furniture.
9. Yes, I have to leave every day to go to work. No, you cannot go with me. That's why there are two of you, so you can entertain each other. The cat gets to stay in the house. You both have to stay outside while I'm gone. The cat does not chew things up. You do. Quit whining about it. Your porch is air-conditioned. It's just like inside the house minus the sofa. If you'd quit chewing up dog beds, it would be just like inside the house. You have made your own proverbial bed by destroying two very expensive dog cushions.
10. I have opposable thumbs. This is why I get to be in charge. I can open cans, doors, and bags of treats. I am the only one in the house that can operate the hose sprayer. I'm also the only one with a driver's license and a car. I win. Being cute is no match for opposable thumbs.
While I in no way wish to suppress your rightful dogginess, I feel that these very simple guidelines will allow us to continue to co-exist in peaceful harmony. Please know though, that should you choose to continue in willful violation of these rules, I WILL PUT THE CAT IN CHARGE. He has just been itching for a position in management.
Much thanks,
The Human"
It seems that lately things have gotten a smidge slack around here. I feel it is time to remind you of the rules that heretofore we have operated under. You are both cute dogs, but your continued cuteness in no way negates our previous agreement. Let me remind you of a few details of this agreement.
1. In exchange for room and board, you are to guard the kingdom. That would be guarding the kingdom from any and all bad guys, robbers, serial killers, etc. Feel free to bark maniacally at any of those that should appear in the yard. Guarding the kingdom does NOT include barking maniacally at bunnies, squirrels, cows, sheep and invisible things that only you can see, especially between the hours of 5am (when I stumble out of bed to let you out) and 8am (when I actually have to be out of bed to get to work). (And let me take a moment here to remind you that the pizza guy is a potential bad guy. He is not your friend. Just because he comes bearing food does not allow him free and easy access to the kingdom. He is potentially way more dangerous than the bunnies that you threaten to tear limb from limb.)
2. All of the stuff that lives in the toy basket is yours. Everything else is mine. Yours includes squeaky balls, random bones, partially unstuffed stuffed animals and chew ropes. Mine includes any and all shoes on the floor (especially the expensive leather ones), underwear that missed the hamper, bras, socks, dishtowels, the remote, the cell phone, the legs of my grandmother's antique chair and the vacuum. Did I mention shoes? ALL the shoes are mine. They come in pairs, not quads, for a reason.
3. The cat gets to sleep on the bed. You do not. You each weigh 50 pounds. The cat weighs 12. You sleep smack dab in the middle of the bed with all four feet spread out covering approximately 12 square feet apiece. The cat sleeps in a neat little ball covering about 2 square feet. The cat does not bring fleas into the house. You do. You, dogs, will never be allowed to sleep on the bed. Quit sneaking up when you think I'm not looking. Your 50 pounds of dogginess negates your stealth superpowers. I know you are up there!!
4. Speaking of the cat- when he hunkers down into that little mound, lays his ears back, squints his eyes and growls way back in his chest, HE IS NOT A HAPPY KITTY. Leave him alone. He does not want to play with you. What he wants to do is poke your eyes out and shred the skin around your face. He can do that, you know. Five of his 6 ends are really sharp and pointy. He has previously shown very little restraint. Clearly he enjoys smacking you upside the head with a paw full of claws. Do not aggravate him. When he takes your head off after you have cornered him, I will let him. You have been forewarned.
5. The cat is mean. He will lead you down a path to destruction. He likes to tear around the house winding you up. He does this knowingly and intentionally. When you chase him, I will only yell at you for careening into walls and furniture. He knows this. Quit falling for it.
6. If you find something in the garbage can, assume that I intend for it to be there. Plastic tampon shells are not chew toys. Don't eat them.
7. Also not for doggy consumption- anything you find in the litter box. This is why you no longer get to kiss me.
8. You are allowed to sleep on the furniture. You are not allowed to eat the furniture.
9. Yes, I have to leave every day to go to work. No, you cannot go with me. That's why there are two of you, so you can entertain each other. The cat gets to stay in the house. You both have to stay outside while I'm gone. The cat does not chew things up. You do. Quit whining about it. Your porch is air-conditioned. It's just like inside the house minus the sofa. If you'd quit chewing up dog beds, it would be just like inside the house. You have made your own proverbial bed by destroying two very expensive dog cushions.
10. I have opposable thumbs. This is why I get to be in charge. I can open cans, doors, and bags of treats. I am the only one in the house that can operate the hose sprayer. I'm also the only one with a driver's license and a car. I win. Being cute is no match for opposable thumbs.
While I in no way wish to suppress your rightful dogginess, I feel that these very simple guidelines will allow us to continue to co-exist in peaceful harmony. Please know though, that should you choose to continue in willful violation of these rules, I WILL PUT THE CAT IN CHARGE. He has just been itching for a position in management.
Much thanks,
The Human"
9.30.2007
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