A Prayer On Christmas

For all my readers, friends far and wide -

May the spirit of the Christ child be with you
and all those you hold dear.

May the everlasting love of the Father bless you
and keep you for evermore.

May the new year be filled with hope, joy, happiness
and peace for you and those in your heart.

May you always be surrounded by the love
and companionship of friends and family.

xo,
Liz

In My Email Today

Each friend represents a world within us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." — Anais Nin

Our friends nourish and sustain us. They reveal parts of ourselves we never knew existed. A friend can also be a reminder of a certain time or place in our lives. So maintaining the bonds of friendship is important for every woman. In fact, women with good social support weather stress and unexpected turns in the road better than women without it. Whether it's one friend or ten, companionship is part of what makes us who we are.

*Sigh.*

Oh, Mutts

(c) Patrick McDonnell

This makes me feel a little dichotomous*:

:-)

:'-(

* If you can feel dichotomous, I mean. Never been so disappointed. *Sigh.*

Saturday Evening Peace

. . . during my very impromptu trip to Topsail Island, NC.

Thought for the day

Friends set us free to be the people we can (and ought to) be.


More later.

Oooh, just for me? Really?

My girlfriends are the best, although it appears that there may be some sort of conspiracy regarding me and my non-existent love life. To wit: this email from Alli re: one of our nights in Belize:

"I am lining up an all-men review for you. Hope you don't mind . . . They will all have foreign accents and will simply adore you. It is going to be a "wicked party."

Te he. At least someone will enjoy the new Vickie's bikini I got this week. Oh my.

********************************************************************************

Undercurrent tonight:

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Thoughts on friendship, prompted by the February 2008 issue of Wine Spectator (odd, I know):

Aristotle takes philia to be both necessary as a means to happiness ("no one would choose to live without friends even if he had all the other goods" [1155a5–6]) and noble or fine (καλόν) in itself. (More here at Wikipedia.)

And this sad, sad fact:

The number and quality of friendships for the average American has been declining since at least 1985, according to a 2006 study. The study states that 25% of Americans have no close confidants, and that the average total number of confidants per person has dropped to 2.

More here, also at Wikipedia. Oy veh.

Thoughts on Millions

I recently found a place where you can submit a question and other people vote to give answers. It's a great tool, and given the book about the million-dollar friendship that I'm writing, I wanted to find out exactly how many people decided for the friend or the million. So, I submitted this question: "If you had to choose between the following, which would you choose? You can't have both. $1MM or your best friend."

Of 80 potential answers, I got over 30 responses which is a great response rate (39%; typical response rates are under 10%. No, I've not run the tests to see if this is a statistically valid sample; I'd bet good money that it's not.).

Ergo:
Number of people who would choose the friendship: 16
Number of people who would choose the money: 13

And some comments:
- "The cash (in the hottest of seconds)."
- "What kind of person would give up a friend for $$?"
- "A fool and his money are soon parted."
- "A million dollars buys a lot of friends."

And here's my response to that: wow, really? I wonder if I fielded something like this in another culture (Belize, maybe?) whether the response variation would be similar or different. Or if a bigger sample would yield a clear winner over the other.

And then I think: For those who would choose the money, would less than $1MM do? What about $500K? Or $100K? Or just $50K? At what price does the threshold become too low and the friendship is suddenly more valuable than the money?

What would it say about you if your friends knew that your friendship could be bought for $213,987.68? A penny less, and you'd say no.

And for those of us, like me, who wouldn't give up a friendship for money - at least theoretically (I'd much prefer never to have to test this theory) - what would make us give up a friendship? What's acceptable? What's not? And who, pray tell, gets to make that decision?

Lest I get on my soapbox, it's perhaps a good time to say that Tawanka had some great thoughts about the worth of life that I posted recently.

Amen.

Too Good Not to Share

"We will be happy when we are happy and sad when we are sad, and we will find as many reasons as we can think of to milk every drop of joy out of every day of life because otherwise things really are a little depressing, and it's no fun being depressed. Trust me: I know. The alternative is much superior."

-Courtesy of my dear friend Melody Watson. Read more, including the rest of this blog post, here.

Dear Keri

I learned yesterday that a high school friend of mine is dying from ALS. She's 29. She's just had her first baby, and she can no longer hold the child.

Although we haven't really kept in touch through the years, I have seen Keri at the occasional neighborhood event - most notably, Chicken Stew.

She's always been beautiful, popular, and successful. When I was younger, I was jealous because of her gifts. Now that I'm older and wiser, I'm not jealous of Keri's gifts any longer, because I realize my own. Even in the throes of her disease, she's still beautiful, popular, and successful. What a wonderful testament to her spirit.

You can read about Keri and her struggle with ALS, the challenges she's having and the support she's getting from her family and friends here, courtesy of the Winston-Salem Journal. If you'd like to see the outpouring of support she's getting from the community, check out the website her friend, Jennifer Lassiter, is keeping for her here.

I might add that the best quote in the article is the one with which it ends, courtesy of Jennifer: "At 29, I never thought I'd be helping my best friend die." How telling. Keri's obviously got an irreplaceable friend in her.

Echoes of Friendship

It's odd, isn't it? This year - a year that I'd hoped would be one of my best but doesn't seem to be going that way so far - I've had the opportunity to appreciate my friends more so than I ever have. When I think about what I am grateful for during this past year, my friends top the list.

Of course, this gratitude has manifested itself in a number of ways. I blog about how lucky I am to have them - often. I'm trying to fill their needs as much as they've filled mine. I look for ways to really thank them for what they've done for me.

I find ways to remind myself of these special people. I've got a bunch of pictures to remind me of them. And I often stumble upon something in art echoes the friendships I've got. This year, in particular, one refrain of one song continues to do that for me.

I've had to look the song up, as it's been included on a compilation CD that I've had since undergrad to which I no longer own the CD jacket. It's called Edge of Falling, by Ethan Pierse (aka Tim Pigman). I've found the lyrics online and a sample (both below, thanks to ethanpierse.com). My one complaint is simply that the sample sounds very different than the song I've got on my Awakening Compilation CD - and the sample sounds very overdone. IMHO, the simpler sound to the song on the compilation CD is more preferable.

In any case, it's the refrain that echoes my dear friendships these days, because I know I've had people pick me up and keep me going.

Thanks, guys. You're the best.

Lyrics of "Edge of Falling"
I've been away so very long
Doing all I said I'd never do.
But now that still small voice,
it is calling to me
Calling me back home to you

Hesitation, don't turn back now, just go on
You know it's too late
Too late to right all those wrongs
Stop to see if you'd been checking up on me
Only to find, you're still looking out to see
Me walking down that road
Can't wait to have you hold me and hear you say, to hear you say

Refrain
I am strong if you are weak
Pick you up and keep you going
Stop hanging on now and walk with me
I am strong if you are weak
Pick you up and keep you going
Stop hanging on now and walk with me at the edge of falling

All my struggles, no telling where or whence they came
But I've got to face them all just the same
Can't turn right, pride and piety beware
I can't turn left, only depravity's left there
Keep looking up, stay in line, and follow the signs and wait
I need to hear you say

Refrain

This isn't a war where I win and where you lose
It's about the chosen and the many and the few
Oh they try to walk straight, but our hearts they turn back
And we're yearning to find something that says we are home
Bring me home
I just want to be home
I am home

Refrain

Amazon.com sample of "Edge of Falling" from The Awakening Compilation:
(click the image below to listen)

"Edge of Falling" sample from EthanPierse.com

The Rules for Blogging

Today was the day of many topics to blog about. I can definitely say that I'm set for the week. Stay tuned for more on that later . . .

Nonetheless, the topic I'm going to pick for this evening is this: blogging rules. It's happened again that a good friend didn't define their rules completely before getting into the blogosphere (something I have to admit that I did as well) and thus, their presence in the blogosphere changed drastically and without warning.

Now, as many in the blogosphere know, such changes are completely unexpected and cause concern in your readers especially if you have a fairly large and/or loyal readership. I've got a blog I'm stalking right now that hasn't had a post in months, but they used to post several times a day! (No, you don't get that link. It's NWS and it speaks to #7 on The List.) It's upsetting, to say the least.

Ergo, here's the draft of The Rules for Blogging. In no way shape or form is this a complete or un-alterable list. Jump in and let me know what you'd change or what you'd add. (Yep, I learned some of these the hard way. Just ask my friend Jess or my friend Jim.)

1) If you've got a significant other, tell them you have/are starting a blog and how to get to it. If they never look at it, you've done your part. Might be good to share your rules for what goes on the blog with them, so they don't have to be concerned about what may or may not appear on the blog. Remember that your significant other (and everyone else in the world with an Internet connection) can see it whenever they want, if they can find it. Don't forget that.

2) In consideration of the significant other, DON'T post anything offensive or that could be perceived as too personal UNLESS you've got permission from them BEFORE you post. Now, if you don't so much care for that significant other and aren't concerned about helping to define the legality of social media and first amendment rights or aren't concerned about a libel or slander lawsuit, post away. Post it once, and it's always there (especially after the web spiders get to it).

3) Don't write stuff you wouldn't admit in public. For me, after I mentioned my duck (the post), I realized I wasn't ready to post about it. However, my perspective on sexuality has shifted and I don't mind at all now. Realize however that some things are still not public: i.e., #7 on The List.

4) Decide what's off-limits. For me, work is always off-limits; I don't need to be dooced. I need my job. (If you're interested, Heather Armstrong's experience provided the nomenclature for this phenomenon.)

Intimate conversations with friends are also off-limits, as well as any significant reference to their lives. My family is sometimes off, sometimes on; depends on the situation.

5) Decide on pictures and video content. What will you post? What won't you post? Why? If you don't know why, you won't stick with your decision. Beware of copyright laws - and know a lawyer.

6) Be fair and give credit where it's due. Don't steal someone else's blog post. Sure, if they've got a topic that gets your writing bristles up, go for it. But give them credit for having the idea first. Link. And consider a Creative Commons license. (They're free.)

7) Ask the blogger before you add a blog to your blog roll. Admittedly, I haven't done
this, but I should have. The people who read your blog may be some other blogger's worst nightmare. The only way they may have found that blogger was through your blog roll.

8) Admit when you're wrong and publicly correct the error. We're all human and we all know that eventually, you're gonna screw up. Deal. (Here's an example, courtesy of Cara Michele at Chosen Fast.)

9) Learn about your blog/hosting service. Know how it works. Know what the passwords do. Know what's public and what's not before you jump right in. And don't be afraid to use the knowledge base. Those people know everything about hosting/blog service. They developed it - and continue to improve it. Let them help.

10) When lurking/commenting on someone else's blog, follow their lead. If they don't cuss, you'd better not. If you know them IRL and they don't specifically mention or name parts of their life on the blog, don't dare. It might violate one of their blogging rules.

And, since 10 is a nice, round number and it's past my bedtime, that's where I'll stop. I expect to hear your thoughts or opinions on this. Chime in.

Finding My Focus

It's a topic about which I've written many times before, and perhaps only because I seem to have issues finding it on a consistent basis: focus. As a completely horrible procrastinator (which has kept me from church this morning, the shower that I should have already taken and perhaps from the chores I'd like to still accomplish this afternoon), I find that focus seems to evade me on a fairly regular basis.

And yet, I can't seem to figure out exactly why. It's not so much that I can't focus; there's no ADD or ADHD here. It's not that I'm not intrigued with what I'm doing. It is perhaps because I'm often thinking about what's ahead for me, what I will be doing, what I want to be doing - or perhaps about what's behind, what's happened and perseverating over the past.

It's that I oftentimes can't focus on the now. The present.

Several things in the past couple of days have brought this issue of focus into the spotlight for me:

(a) An amazing book, The Three Questions, given by my dear friend Jim to all of his tournament committee people. (If I told you why this book gave me nice little perspective on focus, I'd ruin the beauty of the book for you.)

(b) My sad inability to really have a good conversation with a friend who was hurting, because I couldn't get out of my own hurt for just a little bit and truly be the person she needed.

(c) Reading this from Melody and, more importantly, her Dad's comment on her blog, which just brought home the fact that I hadn't focused on God this morning, as I'd intended, and beginning to think about the repercussions of that specific lack of focus.

And yet, in my lack of focus this morning, I find that I must thank my dear friend Jess for finding this blog post and reminding me that:

"There is nothing wrong with me.

I don't need to be fixed, doctored, taped up or altered.

I have not always made good decisions in my life. I stayed in relationships that were not good for my soul or mental health. I spent too much money and didn't save enough in my 20s. I wasn't always the best daughter or granddaughter or friend that I could be.

But my essence, my spirit, the me that was born to my Mom and Dad almost (30) years ago, is perfect just the way she is. "

A Wedding and Wanderlust Weekend

Crazy, ridiculous weekend - and yet, completely fabulous. Here's the map. Yes, we drove close to 1000 miles. Yes, we only went an hour north of Richmond . . . but then we took a detour on the way home.

Wedding was absolutely fabulous. Nothing better than seeing a great friend and her fiance do their wedding, their way. And then, of course, there's nothing better than sitting around talking for hours on end - even if it is in 90+ degree heat.

On Sunday, Jess and I decided we had to see the beach.

This one, in particular - Buckroe Beach. Figured the area wouldn't be named after a beach if it didn't have one, seeing as how we'd been searching for one since finishing breakfast. Tappahannock just had the edges of the Rappahannock, most of which was private and inaccessible.

All in all, a great weekend.

I'm ready for another, already.

Things that went right today

"Sometimes more than others/

You see who and what and where/

You are . . ."

- Jimmy Buffett, Tonight I Just Need My Guitar, Far Side of the World, 2002

It's been an odd day, but I've realized that there were quite a few great things today as well. The great things show me more precisely who and what and where I am - and I'm very happy about that.

Here's the list . . .

(a) Realizing that some writer from the Business Journal thinks that everyone who reads the Business Journal knows what "je ne sais quoi" means. I can't believe the editor didn't catch that paragraph and make him rewrite it. I think it's pretty funny.

(b) Lunch with my friend Amanda and a really great mushroom swiss burger at Jay's.

(c) A really long, really awesome email from my friend Ashley.

(d) Cancelling the meeting I had tonight.

(e) Not having to go to the symphony tonight, because Jess said whatever I wanted to do was great, and I really didn't want to go to the symphony.

(f) The really nice email from my mom and the great conversation I had with her later in the evening.

(g) The high-fives and wows that I heard from my big bosses when they saw the interactive map that we launched today. (No link, I try to keep work out of the blog. If you don't know where I work already, I'm not telling.)

(h) The high-fives and wows that I heard from my big bosses when they saw the Dining web page that we launched today. (No link. See above reason at g.)

(i) My direct boss mentioning that I was great hire in front of both of them.

(j) Knowing that my friends are awesome - and having great proof of it today. "The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life."

(k) Having a great discussion with my cousin/sister-in-law and realizing how much I miss her.

(l) Talking with so many people who evidently love me.

(m) Spicy guacamole.

(n) The long walk with Jess around Ardmore.

(o) Chamomile tea.

(p) A fairly decent discussion with my husband.

(q) Finding flea medicine for the cat in the pet drawer, after thinking there wasn't any there.

(r) Hearing my sister's voice on my voicemail.

(s) The free stuff coupon from Vickie's in the mail when I got home.

(t) Knowing that even though my duck is on the fritz, he's on his way to rehab, which means he's on his way back that much quicker . . . although I'm already ready for him to be back.

(u) Feeling lots, lots better in the evening than I did in the morning and knowing that tomorrow's probably going to be a pretty good day, too. At least that's the plan.

Isn't it amazing . . .

what you learn about your friendship years after it's begun? No love lost, of course. :)

And, because it's going to be day full of odd blog stuff, I'm just going to add it all to this post.

- Finally got to explain to my husband what the deal with the "I can smell your brains" joke that flies around my family is about. You can see it here. Of course, I think I like Mitten's second animation better, but this one is all about getting the family joke.

- Went to see the Greensboro Symphony last night and ran into an old co-worker from Guilford Tech. She thought I'd gotten married after I left the college. Um, I was married three months after I began working at the college and I stayed almost 5 years after that. Weird.

Aside from that, the symphony did something really funny: they opened with the national anthem. Yep, they had Alma Adams (State Representative in NC) "conduct" the orchestra. I honestly had to hold myself back from yelling, "Play Ball!" at the end of it. It was so odd that we asked the symphony's executive director about it later. Yep, they open and close the season with it. Last time I checked, the symphony wasn't a sporting event, but maybe I'm missing something.

Otherwise, I was unimpressed. I've been told it was technically good, and maybe I'm a loyal WSSO musical elitist, but this one put me to sleep. Literally. Our seats didn't even make it easy to watch the musicians being musicians (I tend to prefer the mezzanine, you know).

- Had dinner with the boss and her husband prior to the symphony last night. I think they're great.

Nevertheless, dinner was awesome. We went to Saffron, a wonderful little Indian place in Greensboro off of Westover. I had the Shrimp Jalfrazie and loved it. Evidently, they understand that people who order shrimp anything don't just want two or three shrimp. Yep, I had more than 10 fairly large shrimp and it was great. They've got a sister restaurant in Winston, and I've never been, but given what I think about Saffron, I'll be visiting Nawab soon.

- I completely concur with Beth on this one. I just don't think crap from your employer motivates employees. What the first commenter says about the post isn't the same thing that we're discussing here. Yep, $150 at a restaurant is not the same as $150 in cash, but it's much better than a $150 cut glass paperweight.

People don't care about paperweights or certificates or a chance to be called up on stage in front of everyone or a little trinket. It may be fleeting to hand over the $150 in cash or gift certificate, but it's definitely better than the alternatives. (I'm speaking from experience here: I got so much of this junk in K-12 school - have I mentioned that I'm from a family of overachievers? - that I've ditched almost all of it, even the trophies.)

My old accounting firm boss and their HR director ought to learn this one. I feel bad for the people who got those stupid paperweight award things because I couldn't talk them out of it. Oh well.

Reconnecting

This has certainly been the week for reconnecting with old friends for me. Had a great hour-long chat with one of my dearest friends, Ashley, last night and was working up to that point with another of my dear friends, Ely, this evening. And I may make it a point to actually return Melody's call tomorrow because I miss her a lot, too.

It makes me think about the myriad of great friends that I have and have had in this life. Most of them have worked through the years with me; I can say that those who are still around love me enough to overlook the fact that I'm a tenderheart, that I procrastinate more than anyone ever has, and that I basically never call. I might email, but I'll never call. Honestly, I've really only lost one friend that I thought I'd have around forever.

This never calling thing seems to come from my younger years. My parents have never been big on staying connected with people; I think this comes from having to pay for long distance. Everyone in my extended family was in another state (and certainly not the same state) and I can remember that money was a problem for my family for the early years of my life. (Nothing imposes itself on a child's mind as do strong emotions and I can clearly identify several strong emotions associated with money in my younger years. I'd bet, however, that my sisters don't remember this at all. In fact, I seem to remember that by the time they came along, most of the money issues were solved, if not at least abated.)

Nevertheless, regardless of the money issue, my parents never developed a penchant for keeping in touch with anyone. As I grew up, I began to ask my mother and father if they'd heard from the aunts or uncles or grandparents whom I so loved. More often than not, the answer was no.

All that to say that this lack of sharing information with those who are important in my life is a learned response. I got it honestly. I'm not inherently an uncaring person; I'm just one who never learned it was important to stay in touch.

Ergo, I love that my friends understand this about me. I love that they also say, "Well, I haven't called you either, so it's not just your fault." I love that Jess won't let me go more than two days without calling me. I love that they all love me enough to take my call whenever I call regardless of who called last.

"There isn’t much better in this life than finding a way to spend a few hours in conversation with people you respect and love." Amen, brother.