Finding My Focus

It's a topic about which I've written many times before, and perhaps only because I seem to have issues finding it on a consistent basis: focus. As a completely horrible procrastinator (which has kept me from church this morning, the shower that I should have already taken and perhaps from the chores I'd like to still accomplish this afternoon), I find that focus seems to evade me on a fairly regular basis.

And yet, I can't seem to figure out exactly why. It's not so much that I can't focus; there's no ADD or ADHD here. It's not that I'm not intrigued with what I'm doing. It is perhaps because I'm often thinking about what's ahead for me, what I will be doing, what I want to be doing - or perhaps about what's behind, what's happened and perseverating over the past.

It's that I oftentimes can't focus on the now. The present.

Several things in the past couple of days have brought this issue of focus into the spotlight for me:

(a) An amazing book, The Three Questions, given by my dear friend Jim to all of his tournament committee people. (If I told you why this book gave me nice little perspective on focus, I'd ruin the beauty of the book for you.)

(b) My sad inability to really have a good conversation with a friend who was hurting, because I couldn't get out of my own hurt for just a little bit and truly be the person she needed.

(c) Reading this from Melody and, more importantly, her Dad's comment on her blog, which just brought home the fact that I hadn't focused on God this morning, as I'd intended, and beginning to think about the repercussions of that specific lack of focus.

And yet, in my lack of focus this morning, I find that I must thank my dear friend Jess for finding this blog post and reminding me that:

"There is nothing wrong with me.

I don't need to be fixed, doctored, taped up or altered.

I have not always made good decisions in my life. I stayed in relationships that were not good for my soul or mental health. I spent too much money and didn't save enough in my 20s. I wasn't always the best daughter or granddaughter or friend that I could be.

But my essence, my spirit, the me that was born to my Mom and Dad almost (30) years ago, is perfect just the way she is. "