I'm Living . . .

a Jimmy Buffet song. That realization hits me about once an hour here. Great food. Great weather. Drinks. Water. Boys to flirt with. *Almost* everything a girl needs. :)

I'm glad that Alli's here so that we had an excuse to come to paradise. St. George's Caye, Caye Caulker, Belize City, Cayo (San Ignacio). San Pedro tomorrow, after the zoo.

Photos later.

Stress Manifestiations in My Life

It's been a crazy week. Need evidence?

1) I'm driving the CR-V like it's an Indy 500 car.
2) I'm really, really upset that my CD player works when it wants to and doesn't when I want it to.
3) The CDs that I've gotten to play have been turned up really, really loud.
4) I'm considering buying some Eminem. And My Chemical Romance.
5) I slept four hours last night and had two cups of real coffee this morning. I slept about as much the evening before.
6) 25 appointments. 5 days. Enough said.
7) I have an intense and bizarre need to run, oh, say 10 miles, hard.
8) Things done pre-Belize:

• Mowed
• Laundry
• Found the passport
• Put the right docs in the safe box
• Tell the credit cards not to accept US purchases for a while, since I won't be here
  

9) Things still to be done pre-Belize:

• Dishes
• Vacuum
• PACK!
• Photocopy the passport
• Talk to my dear sis about my power of attorney
• Trash out
• Oh, finish work. Real work, that I get paid for. Lots of it.

10) I want everything on the list that motivates me. And right now, I can have very, very little of it. Luckily (?), challenge is one of those. Godiva, lots of good wine, etc., etc., etc. - just not happening today.

11) I'm believing that I need a hero right now. (Shrek 2 is what's in the CD player right now . . .) You know, this kind of hero?

I need a hero
I'm holding out for at hero 'till the end of the night
He's gotta be strong
And he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight

I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero 'till the morning light
He’s gotta be sure
And it’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life
Larger than life

I don't. I can do it. Really. Maybe.

Well, at least I'm gonna try.

It's a Party . . .

but not, you see. I and my fellow volunteer bartenders brought in exactly $100 in tips tonight at the RiverRun shindig. We donated it to the festival. (yeah/boo)

It was a "cocktail attire" party so I also got the chance to rock the dress I got for the '07 Green Coat Reception - that got lots of compliments, again. :)

Had some chocolate covered strawberries, saw some really cute guys, met some great local people, poured wine and beer like there was no tomorrow and danced during clean-up.

Good night. And now, I'm gonna find something a bit more substantial to eat, before I go to bed and hope I don't have dreams like the one I had last night.

Time to RiverRun

The RiverRun International Film Festival. It's back in Winston-Salem for the sixth year, celebrating the 10th anniversary. 95 films. 26 countries. Five days.

They're celebrating Bill Pullman and Pam Grier, who's a Winston native. They're also premiering the new flick that Helen Hunt starred in and directed, Then She Found Me. (Yes, I said premiering!)

Last year, I found gems such as Paris, Je T'aime, One Rat Short and The Rape of Europa. This year, I'd love to see Then She Found Me; OSS 117: Cairo, Nest of Spies; Pheobe in Wonderland; and Saturday Morning Cartoons, the family-friendly animated shorts shown this Saturday morning.

Go! They're good movies that won't get play in the theaters around here (with the exception of Then She Found Me). Support the arts in Winston - and film in North Carolina.

Second wind?

9 p.m.

Just now sitting down at the computer to crank out a letter, a press release or two, edit a distribution list and work on a project. I should have worked this past weekend. (I had hoped I'd never wish such. Oy.)

Maybe it's the wine and the CPK Chicken Fajita and Frank singing the song books and just being barefoot (which doesn't happen in my house in the winter) and the new World Market candles.

Wish me luck. I normally can't pull this off.

Allowing for the Possiblity of Peace

(March 3, 1999)

If we allow our minds to drift towards something that could go wrong, then it steals our peace and clogs our capacity.

Sit quietly and think of flowing waters, gentle breezes and the call of the whippoorwill. Reflect on the joy of thinking freely, of unlimited vitality - and don't tell yourself that it couldn't possibly happen.

Peace,
Tawanka

(I wish I'd seen this earlier today; I might have had more peace. *Sigh.*)

Oooh, just for me? Really?

My girlfriends are the best, although it appears that there may be some sort of conspiracy regarding me and my non-existent love life. To wit: this email from Alli re: one of our nights in Belize:

"I am lining up an all-men review for you. Hope you don't mind . . . They will all have foreign accents and will simply adore you. It is going to be a "wicked party."

Te he. At least someone will enjoy the new Vickie's bikini I got this week. Oh my.

********************************************************************************

Undercurrent tonight:

***************************************************************
Thoughts on friendship, prompted by the February 2008 issue of Wine Spectator (odd, I know):

Aristotle takes philia to be both necessary as a means to happiness ("no one would choose to live without friends even if he had all the other goods" [1155a5–6]) and noble or fine (καλόν) in itself. (More here at Wikipedia.)

And this sad, sad fact:

The number and quality of friendships for the average American has been declining since at least 1985, according to a 2006 study. The study states that 25% of Americans have no close confidants, and that the average total number of confidants per person has dropped to 2.

More here, also at Wikipedia. Oy veh.

What #2 Will Be Like

if I have anything to say about it (and I have quite a bit of say about it).

I want to stand at attention, draw my sword, and say, “I would die for you, my lady.” I want to run circles around the couch with my arms out like airplane wings, shouting “Look at me. I love you more than anyone ever did.” I want to pull those eyes close, and everyone go away. Go away! How dare you be here. How dare the earth and time hold anything but this moment. And I think this moment is owed to us, that the world should stop and there be nothing for as long as we need there to be nothing. And if time moves on and those eyes return to that paper, I feel that I’ve lost something which, in truth, I never had. And it’s the saddest, loneliest thing to know it.

More here, courtesy of RLP. It's pretty awesome writing.

Rx for Screw-Up Fairy Visits

1) Martinis with girlfriends. Straight up, gin, with three olives. Notice the plural; it's important.
2) Drunken shrimp and mashed potatoes (the best comfort food ever -- the potatoes, I mean).
3) A pint of Chocolate Therapy, hand-packed, courtesy of Ben & Jerry's.
3) 30 or so minutes in the hot tub.
4) 30 or so minutes cussing at TimeWarner trying to figure out why your cable doesn't work. (Someday, you may find here a diatribe about the city's curse/blessing of choosing one cable provider for everyone. Sorry little SOBs. Guess you can figure how that post is going to read, huh?)
5) Some duck time - or the much better alternative, if you're so lucky.

(That might work this time. And it might not. I've already got 1, 2, and 4, done. We'll see if 3 and 5 finish the problem.)


*&^% !$@, screw-up fairy. Go away. I don't want you near me anymore, at all, ever.

Of Note

I evidently need to be earning a lot more money or find a man who wants to be a stay-at-home dad, according to this post by Penelope on the Brazen Carrerist. Some very good points here, including this gem, about a coworker who has got to do everything his stay-at-home wife does while she goes out of town:

Jason was telling me that his wife went out of town for five days. She told him he had to take time off from work. He said he didn’t want to use up vacation. He said he’d be fine.

But by the second day, he was going nuts. He said, “Penelope, it’s unbelievable. I am telling the kids I’ll be there in a minute and then I send an email. And I instant message chat while I’m driving. And I take phone calls when the kids are in the other room waiting for me. This is crazy. It’s so hard.”

She later goes on to say that Jason is the kind of guy that she's competing with in her career. I see a lot of myself in this post, as I'm pretty ambitious, a bit of an overachiever and want my own kids someday. Guess it's good to know what kind of challenges I'll be facing.

- This quote, from the article about a new book about the Virgina Tech shootings in today's Journal:

It's really why I wanted to write the book, because sometimes you're just not going to have answers to "why" questions. And sometimes that knowing doesn't help. We're created for something more than just answers. We're created to experience God.

Word of the Day

Courtesy of Dictionary.com:

pugnacious \puhg-NAY-shuhs\, adjective:

Inclined to fight; combative; quarrelsome.

GRRRRR.

The Meaning of Life, Perhaps

(February 17, 1999)

The earth is a lovely thing; knowing where we stand, it is something created for us. Seeing the sky stirs our imaginations and brings awareness of how much simple beauty is provided for us.

We can see that bitterness lasts only as long as we allow it, but we have reached beyond our minds and are as unlimited as the sky.

We may not be able to see all things, but we sense the influence of life, and know it is ours to enjoy.

Peace,
Tawanka

Done, Done, Done

I feel like I actually accomplished something today. Here's why:
- Taxes: Done. My returns may be back before I go to Belize. :)
- First tourney email: Done, albeit later than I'd wanted to send it.
- Bathroom faucet: Done - enough - for now. The water runs again, but I've got to figure out the handle placement, yet.
- That Garrison Keillor book that just never ended: Done. For more, click on the Goodreads widget on the left.
- Rx for antimalarials, so I won't get malaria in Belize: Done.
- The 400 mile overdue oil change: Done.

Aujourd'hui: c'est tout. Et c'est assez.

Dreams Denied

*Sigh.* My boys had their chance to pull out a win, and they didn't/couldn't. The crowd on Franklin Street isn't too happy right now; neither am I.

Maybe next year.

Thoughts on Millions

I recently found a place where you can submit a question and other people vote to give answers. It's a great tool, and given the book about the million-dollar friendship that I'm writing, I wanted to find out exactly how many people decided for the friend or the million. So, I submitted this question: "If you had to choose between the following, which would you choose? You can't have both. $1MM or your best friend."

Of 80 potential answers, I got over 30 responses which is a great response rate (39%; typical response rates are under 10%. No, I've not run the tests to see if this is a statistically valid sample; I'd bet good money that it's not.).

Ergo:
Number of people who would choose the friendship: 16
Number of people who would choose the money: 13

And some comments:
- "The cash (in the hottest of seconds)."
- "What kind of person would give up a friend for $$?"
- "A fool and his money are soon parted."
- "A million dollars buys a lot of friends."

And here's my response to that: wow, really? I wonder if I fielded something like this in another culture (Belize, maybe?) whether the response variation would be similar or different. Or if a bigger sample would yield a clear winner over the other.

And then I think: For those who would choose the money, would less than $1MM do? What about $500K? Or $100K? Or just $50K? At what price does the threshold become too low and the friendship is suddenly more valuable than the money?

What would it say about you if your friends knew that your friendship could be bought for $213,987.68? A penny less, and you'd say no.

And for those of us, like me, who wouldn't give up a friendship for money - at least theoretically (I'd much prefer never to have to test this theory) - what would make us give up a friendship? What's acceptable? What's not? And who, pray tell, gets to make that decision?

Lest I get on my soapbox, it's perhaps a good time to say that Tawanka had some great thoughts about the worth of life that I posted recently.

Amen.

Taking applications . . .

Yes, I'm officially taking applications for anyone who wants to completely pamper me for not a damn thing in return, because it appears the only day that I will leave work before 7 p.m. this week is tomorrow - and it's because I'm going to get my hair done. And I'll probably go in sometime this weekend because I'm leaving before 7 p.m. tomorrow. (Just can't afford the no-show fee at the salon without the actual do, you see.) *Sigh.*

On the list:
- Chocolate covered strawberries (Godiva, preferably)
- A pedicure and a manicure at Deja Vu and then a visit to the fine people at Kneaded Energy (and since this is a real wish list, in a limo, so I can nap on the way home, instead of pay attention).
- Dinner and wine; in, not out. I've got no energy for out right now. And, no, I'm not the one cooking. I'll be the one sitting on the couch, sipping wine, snacking on bruschetta, watching some chick flick.
- Stargazer lilies.
- A cleaning service, to vacuum the house and mop the kitchen.
- A Friendly Center gift certificate, so I can spend the money I want to spend (but am not) on shiny stuff later.

C'est tout. Applications are due in 5 minutes.

T minus . . .

23 days and counting.

Six Word Memoir

It's time for my next tag, courtesy of Jess:

My life in 6 words?

Growing up, getting stronger, giving back.

Or this:

Living life and learning to love.

(I can't decide.)

Here are the rules:

1. Write your own six word memoir.
2. Post it on your blog, including an illustration if you’d like.
3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post and to the original post if possible so that it can be tracked as it travels across the blogosphere.
4. Tag at least five more blogs with links. (SarahSouth, Alli, Ash, Allison, Melody)
   
5. Leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play!